Here are some phrases often exchanged between employers and employees during job interviews, and what they really mean:
Employer Lingo:
"Competitive Salary"
We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors."Join Our Fast-Paced Team"
We have no time to train you."Casual Work Atmosphere"
We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up."Must be Deadline Oriented"
You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day."Some Overtime Required"
Some time each night and some time each weekend."Duties Will Vary"
Anyone in the office can boss you around."Must Have an Eye For Detail"
We have no quality control."Career-Minded"
Female applicants must be childless and remain that way."Apply in Person"
If you're old, fat, or ugly, you'll be told the position has been filled."No Phone Calls Please"
We've filled the job. Our call for resumes is just a legal formality."Seeking Candidates With a Wide Variety of Experience"
You'll need it to replace the three people who just left."Problem-Solving Skills a Must"
You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos."Requires Team Leadership Skills"
You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect."Good Communication Skills"
Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want, and do it.
Employee's Lingo:
"I'm extremely adept at all manner of office organization"
I've used Microsoft Office a few times."I'm honest, hardworking and dependable"
I pilfer office supplies."My pertinent work experience includes..."
Please don't ask me about all the OTHER loser jobs I've had."I take pride in my work"
I blame others for my mistakes."I'm personable"
I give lots of unsolicited personal advice to coworkers."I'm extremely professional"
I carry a cheap Day-Timer and my ties have no stains on them."I am adaptable"
I've changed jobs a lot."I am on the go"
I'm never at my desk."I'm highly motivated to succeed"
The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.
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