"My Mamma Always Told Me...."

"STUPID IS, AS STUPID DOES...." As I deal with the kind of people I had to deal with today, all I can do is shake my head in utter disbelief. Just like ol' Forrest Gump.

If I were to go to Stephen Hawking and demand that he teach me Astrophysics in the space of an hour, I'm sure he would laugh at me so hard he would fall out of his wheel chair.

Continuing that analogy, today I had to deal with a steady stream of people demanding that I give them full educations in consumer electronics in the space of 30 seconds or less, about the length of their lazy, ignorant attention spans.

I'm talking people who are completely ignorant of all things techno, and they are too lazy or stubborn to learn enough about the products to know what they want. They want me to sell them. I'm sorry, but since I earn slightly above minimum wage, and not a proper salesman's commission, HOMEY DON'T PLAY DAT.

How does one explain to a fifty year old "Lawrence Welk" hold-over the difference between "digital" and "analog?" She demanded to know what it was because the words appeared on the product box. Lady, it doesn't matter. Just buy the damn phone and leave me alone.

Another lady held me up for fifteen minutes asking a rapid fire series of questions about the digital cameras, looking at me like I was speaking a foreign language as I desperately tried to explain the features in words small enough for her to understand. She insisted on taking notes, demanding that I repeat myself. Each answer I gave engendered three or more new questions, or at least a blank stare accompanied with the words "now, what is that?" All the while I was thinking to myself "puh-LEEEZE lady, can you go be stupid someplace else?"

While I was dealing with her, another guest was standing there with $350 burning a hole in his pocket waiting to be rung up for the VCR/DVD-R combo he wanted to buy. Finally the stupid b* let go of me and she left without buying a single thing. I apologized profusely to the VCR guest as I rung up his purchase.

I believe it was comedian Ron White who said that nowadays you can fix just about anything, like teeth, noses, breasts, abs, you name it. It's just that you can't fix stupid.