I talk and brag about the Power Game. I can comment upon it very insightfully and shrewdly, like a retired has-been football star commenting upon the NFL, but my ability to actually PLAY the game effectively...well...quite simply SUCKS. Over and over, I end up allowing other people to push my buttons, control me, sidetrack me, backstab me, and ruin any prospects I may have developed.
They finally announced that the position I had applied for several months ago had been filled, and they introduced us to some guy they hired from outside to fill it. I withdrew my candidacy earlier because one night I realized the position would put me in continual proximity to "Mz. Waffleboot." THAT is a prospect I most definitely did NOT relish.
It didn't actually matter WHAT my candidacy was, anyway. Sources tell me that management processed my candidacy only as a formality, only to buy time until someone they really wanted showed up, which he did just recently. I don't mind that, really -- I knew before I started the application process that it was a long shot. I only wish they had the human decency to get back to me and tell me politely that I'm not what they're looking for, instead of leaving me hanging for months and letting the store gossip about it the whole time.
In another situation, people from a certain other department spoke to me frequently about the prospect of joining THEIR team. They really wanted me, which I deeply appreciate, and told me they would lobby for me if I pursued the matter. Later I discovered two interesting factors. The supervisor of the team did not share her subordinate's enthusiasm for bringing me on board, and I found out that a friend who I regard fairly highly had his heart set upon that position also, far more than any interest I may have had in it. I decided not to pursue the position because I really like my friend. I wanted to see him happy, which he really is, now that they gave him the spot.
I have to confess here that over the last month or so I have been a sort of gad-fly for the shop. My patience for other people's b.s. is really wearing thin, and I'm starting to spout my mouth off more and more. I know I'm wrong for the time and place of my words, but I also know that I'm completely correct about the CONTENT of my words. Other people have secretly told me they agree with me. The problem is that if I continue yapping my big mouth, I'm going to drive myself right out of a job, or at the very least ruin all hope of getting anywhere in this or any other company.
I know it is for that reason over the last month or so I've been seeing all sorts of people get promoted all around me, while I remain in the same place. My wife is going to school, so I can only work in the evenings, and that is also a factor which hampers me. As I mentioned in a previous post, spiritual guidance has prompted me very firmly that it is time to leave. I don't even have enough status at the store to rate the privilege of keeping my coffee cup next to the coffee machine in the break room without somebody stealing it or throwing it out ( I have to keep it under the counter, in a box with my name on it in big letters. Jesus -- I'm in freakin' kindergarten again.)
I really would like to know what I had to do to earn some respect somewhere. I'm willing to work long and hard, I'm willing to be honest, dependable, and humble. I'm willing to ignore any and all stupid, unethical, or illegal things managers do. I'm willing to keep my mouth shut.
I'm NOT willing to be condescended upon or patronized for the rest of my life. I really wish I knew what to do next.
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